Social isolation, roller coaster emotions, decisions, decisions without enough information, sleepless nights, horrible-terrible thoughts, upset stomachs....
There really isn't anything good about it. Sam's family has gotten bad news about his latest CT scans... The tumor hasn't shrunk since last time and it has actually split in two places, so he faces a very delicate and dangerous surgery. His parents are forced to decide on the surgeon from here, Houston or NY.
We shouldn't have to face decisions like this. We shouldn't have to be told that the tumor isn't responding to treatment and needs to be removed. We shouldn't have to face the "last ditch effort" surgery. Lukas was lucky with his results. Now Sam and his parents need our prayers. They are now in the shoes Kurt and I were in a few weeks back.
My heart hurts so badly for them, I know the pain and nausea we felt and I can't fix it. I can't help them.
We go through this and gain a whole new family. These people, and these sweet kids become so close to us, we are bonded in a way that nothing could ever break and I just want to fix it for them as badly as I want to fix it for Lukas. I told my mom a few weeks ago that I now have a sickening sense of understanding and an empathy I would never wish on anyone else. It comes from having to personally deal with my baby being sick with a cancer that can't be cured (as of yet). We can treat it, we can even make it go away for a while, sometimes for a long while, but in the process we destroy other functions. Our babies are forced to grow up faster than they should. I only halfway joke when I say Theron is 2 going on 20. Our kids, not only the sick ones, loose a piece of their childhood. They loose some of their confidence and feeling of security as they deal with this. I can't even say the word without shuddering.
Cancer. It's taken Lukas sight, it's taken some babies lives. It's relentless. It takes and takes and takes. It's taken Theron's sense of security and it's taken some of my hope, some of my dreams for Lukas, some of my heart.
The Flemings need our hope and faith and prayers and love and support now more than ever as they have to face this unforgiving beast face to face. They have to make the decision to take Sam into surgery and leave Ben behind for however long it takes for Sam to recover. Linda has to leave one baby behind once again as I know all to well. She'll be seperated from Roger again, from her home and sense of comfort. This road is all to familiar to me, to the other families facing NB. It's a lonely road and a long, dark one. There isn't much more than a flicker of light at the end for some of us, and for others, it's only darkness. It's a true test of faith, of our ability to endure to the end, to be able to let go and give it all up to our Heavenly Father. That's the only way we get by each day, the only way we can enjoy the good days and try and endure the bad. We are given miracles, no matter how small or large, but just enough to remind us that we really aren't alone. We are given other families to bond with, to cry with and laugh with, to turn to when we are at our lowest and need that hand to pull us up.
There is nothing good about cancer, but there is something marvelous and wonderful in our babies, they are true blessings, sent to us from Heaven. Maybe we don't get to have them for long, but it sure does make the time we have with them more sweet.
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