Bald baby

"What a cute bald baby!"

If you only really knew...

Debbie and I were at Boston Market Thursday after clinic and the manager came up and was talking about how cute Lukas was with his bald head and then told us about her niece. She had lost all her blonde hair and it grew back in dark brown. Well, the dreaded question. Did his hair fall out or has is just not grown in.

It is falling out. How old is he? He's a year old. Yes his hair shouldn't be falling out that old. He has cancer. It's the chemo that is making him bald.

I didn't want to have to go that far, it's akward to tell people that. It's even more akward when they start tearing up or crying. I'm dealing with it, I am the one who cries. I don't want strangers crying about it. That just opens up more questions.

Are you ok? Will he be ok? He doesn't even look sick. Will he die? How long until the cancer is gone?

The answer is I don't know. I don't know if I'm ok, don't know if he'll be ok, I know he doesn't look sick, I don't know if he'll die, I don't know when the cancer will go away.

I hope he will be ok, hope is all I have to hold onto. I have faith that he will be ok, whether it's here on Earth with me or in Heaven I don't know yet. He has a really good chance of making it, but and equally good chance that it will come back more aggressive. So, really I don't know. It's all unknowns now.

How long will we be at the hospital? How long will clinics take, how long with the scans take, how long until he starts getting sick from the chemo, how long until he goes into remission? I don't know.

I don't know.