HAIR!!!!!!

Lukas is starting to grow hair on his head again!!! Wow, it's so cool! Dark little hairs are springing up all over!!! WOO HOO!!!

Sick...yuck...

Theron wanted to sleep in the tent with Daddy last night. It was going well until this morning when Kurt and Theron were playing and then Theron got sick everywhere. Poor little guy. I am NOT a throw up person and I had to take care of 6 trips to the bathroom this morning (we didn't make it to the toilet right away either so that includes the 6 changes of clothing, 4 and counting loads of laundry-towels, blankets, clothes, and the 2 showers). My sweet little guy, I know how I feel when I get nauseous, but a little two year old getting sick over and over? I feel so bad for him. I had to call Will this morning because everyone else was at church. He came down and picked Lukas up so he didn't get sick. And Lukas has had a rough 3 days himself. He's been so restless and just not feeling well and for me to not be able to take care of both my babies just plain sucks.

I don't like having sick kids. I don't like not being able to fix them or make them feel better and I especially don't like them both being sick at the same time... There just isn't enough of me to go around for that. I hate feeling helpless and that seems like my new normal feeling these past three months.

I really miss going to church every week. When things are going fine it's hard to wake up and have the motivation to go sometimes, but man, when you don't get to go every week, it's so hard to keep your spirit up and keep your mind focused. I haven't been a regular to Sunday School or Relief Society in the last two years. I'm a frequent flier on the Foyer couch after Sacrament, but I really need Sacrament meeting each week to keep my sanity and my perspective! I need my GP2nd fix every week!

New Blog Header!!!

Thanks Melissa!!! I LOVE it!!!

These were some of our family pictures Melissa (www.melissafullmer.com) took last summer.

I have wanted a nice header but didn't know how to do it very well, so Melissa made one for us... LOVE IT!!!

Considered Lucky

Really, I do consider myself lucky now. I guess I should say, I consider Lukas lucky. We have met 2 more kids in the last couple of days that have Neuroblastoma, Stage 4 High Risk. We have also met at least a dozen kids that have Leukemia and have been on years or will be on years of treatments. We met a little girl today that has a brain tumor and has been battling it for 4 years now. Her mom asked how I was doing and was suprised when I said I'm pretty fine with it all, that it was "normal" life for us now. What else is it supposed to be? A pity party all day everyday? I have my crappy, super depressed moments (Monday being one of them) and then I get over it. I can't change any of this and it could be MUCH worse, so it is "normal" now. It is what it is and we just adjust and deal with it.

I guess I can consider myself lucky too. I've got the best friends and family helping me through this. My husband is the best. He knows when to say it's going to be ok and when to just back off and let me cry and be upset. Theron is such an angle, he takes such good care of Lukas. I am pretty lucky.

Theron

Man he's such a mature little boy. We have started explaining what is going on (to an extent) with Lukas. Theron knows bubba has a boo-boo owie and that he goes to see the doctor a lot. He knows where the hospital is and today we went to see the eye doctor. Theron was so good while the doctors were examining Lukas. He stayed back while they were busy and as soon as they were done with Lukas, Theron brought toys over because "bubba wants to play now".

Yesterday I went to church alone and Theron was such a big boy then too! He sat as still as a two year old could during sacrament and then he went to nursery and was good until the last 20 minutes. He needed his diaper changed and wanted to go back to class with me.

I am so lucky to have such good boys!

Beth's Charity Ball!

Charity Ball!!!!


My sister Beth is having her Sweet 16th Birthday Party!! She decided to have a Charity Ball, even before we knew Lukas was sick. Now that we know Lukas is sick the focus has changed toward Lukas! She is asking that everyone please just donate instead of bringing her gifts. She is giving ALL the donations to Cook Children's Hospital in Fort Worth. They are an amazing hospital and have taken such good care of Lukas! So please come and have fun and support this great cause.


Friday 1*18*08


7:00 pm till 11:00 pm


Waxahachie


The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Building


2418 Brown St., Waxahachie, TX 75154




There will be dancing and treats!! Come dance with your family or sweet heart!


We are going to be doing this every year now, hopefully it will just get bigger and better and we can start donating to the American Cancer Society as well!!
This is a dress up thing but does not have to be black tie!

Bald baby

"What a cute bald baby!"

If you only really knew...

Debbie and I were at Boston Market Thursday after clinic and the manager came up and was talking about how cute Lukas was with his bald head and then told us about her niece. She had lost all her blonde hair and it grew back in dark brown. Well, the dreaded question. Did his hair fall out or has is just not grown in.

It is falling out. How old is he? He's a year old. Yes his hair shouldn't be falling out that old. He has cancer. It's the chemo that is making him bald.

I didn't want to have to go that far, it's akward to tell people that. It's even more akward when they start tearing up or crying. I'm dealing with it, I am the one who cries. I don't want strangers crying about it. That just opens up more questions.

Are you ok? Will he be ok? He doesn't even look sick. Will he die? How long until the cancer is gone?

The answer is I don't know. I don't know if I'm ok, don't know if he'll be ok, I know he doesn't look sick, I don't know if he'll die, I don't know when the cancer will go away.

I hope he will be ok, hope is all I have to hold onto. I have faith that he will be ok, whether it's here on Earth with me or in Heaven I don't know yet. He has a really good chance of making it, but and equally good chance that it will come back more aggressive. So, really I don't know. It's all unknowns now.

How long will we be at the hospital? How long will clinics take, how long with the scans take, how long until he starts getting sick from the chemo, how long until he goes into remission? I don't know.

I don't know.

More Random Pictures