Olivia's stuff

So I have a baby girl coming, what better way to celebrate than to get her bedding picked out!!!! I haven't found fabric yet, but I plan on making her quilt, bed skirt and bumper pads myself. I just printed out the patterns and list of things I need (I'll have to do a little at a time, think this might, MIGHT, be a little expensive! =})

Here's a pic of the two quilts I'm deciding between. Probably going to go with Laura Ashley type fabrics, pastel pinks, blues, greens with lots of flowers and paisley! Going super girly!!

Boston Med

I love, LOVE this show. Just makes me want to finish an RN degree even more!

Just thought I'd share :)

Pink, my new favorite color.

So this last Wednesday we found out that the baby in my belly is a GIRL!!!! I am so excited! The boys are too, they've wanted a little sister for a while. The boys and I love Olivia for her name, Kurt likes Grace (wants to call her Gracie). So she'll more than likely be named Olivia Grace and both parties are happy.

We were supposed to go in 3 weeks ago for the sonogram, but Kurt has been out of town and we really wanted to work it out where he could be there. It didn't happen, but I had a brilliant plan! I bought a "Congratulations Baby" card at the store and asked the sonographer to just seal up the revealing picture in the envelope and we'd open it when Kurt got home. So three weeks and an extra day and we found out! I was DYING to know!!!! It was hard not to just call him and let him hear what was going on during the sono. Theron was dying to know and kept asking her "is it a girl?" over and over. I asked him a couple weeks ago what he'd do if it was a boy baby. He said "we can just send him back and ask Heavenly Father for a girl". Out of the mouths of babes right??!!

Then, Thursday night when Kurt got home, first thing we did was open the envelope to find out and I swear, not even TWO SECONDS after we opened it he had posted to Facebook that it was a girl... I think he's a little excited!

I am starting to feel her move more and the boys come up and talk to my belly all the time and "give Olivia kisses". They are ready for her to get here. Lukas keeps asking when Olivia is coming home. So cute!

Here are our sonogram pics so far.

These two are her first pictures at 10 weeks.


AND, here are the pics from Wednesday. The first is the best face shot we could get. The baby kept scooting away, shy little thing! And the second, well, it speaks for itself :)

Two Years

Had you told me 2 years ago, you will be ok, you'll get through this, everything will be fine, honestly I wouldn't have believed you. All I could think about was the CT scan that we saw with the golf ball sized tumor in Lukas HEAD!! It was in his head, possibly in his brain! How could you say it would be ok, you'd get through it? How, I just couldn't believe it. One of the things we were told was treatment would be aggressive, there isn't a cure and there is a good possibility that he might not make it through the chemo. Then we were told it wasn't a brain tumor, that it was Neuroblastoma and it was ALL over his little body. He was diagnosed as Stage 4. We removed his adrenal gland that was the primary tumor, couldn't take out the tumor in his head yet, massive blood supply-VERY dangerous, so we started chemo, got into a groove, a routine, a "New Normal". Lukas kept having headaches. They should be going away now right? The tumor in his head was supposed to be shrinking. It didn't. Then we have to make the decision to stop chemo and try radiation, craniotomy was discussed, but was deemed a last resort. Stop the poison from going into his little body and our ally, our defense against the cancer to try and kill the enemy in my little baby's head, my 13month old baby's head. We do 14 rounds of chemo (5 days a week, weekends off). Did it work? Scans showed cancer in other areas responding to chemo, not much change in the tumor in his head. Back to more aggressive chemo, lets try chemo that works well for brain tumors. Nope, nothing. What to do now, can't keep feeding Lukas pain meds all day. In comes the Neurosurgeon. We are told it's time for the "last resort option". Craniotomy. Cutting into my baby's head and trying to get the tumor out without hitting the major arteries it's attached to. 50/50 chance he'd make it through the surgery. Very high risk frontal lobe damage could be done, never mind the chances of that damage already having been done with radiation. We get sent home while all the doctors get their team ready and their game plan ready. We have to enjoy the last few days of having our Lukas with us. Whether he was alive or not, chances were he could come out a different baby. He comes home with us on such high doses of steroids to help keep the tumor from swelling, but the rest of his body is so swollen that he is miserable. We get the schedule for the surgery. The morning I take Lukas to the hospital with instructions to bath him with a special soap that will kill all the bacteria and germs that can't be on him while his head it standing wide open. That was the most somber day of my life. Not knowing what the future held, not wanting to think the worst but not being in control of my thoughts, my heart about to burst from my chest, hurting so bad and not being able to show it. We had to be happy, Theron couldn't understand what was going on. He was only 2. Kurt and I had been having the "what if" talks for the last four months, but now we were faced with them in a very real way. How do you say goodbye to your baby? How do you sign the consent form for what they wanted to do? How do you willingly hand your baby over to the nurse and walk away? How do you sit and wait for 10+ hours? How do you not break every time the nurse calls to give you and update knowing that any one of those calls could be the one you are dreading? We never expected to be told what we were when the docs were done with the surgery. They found no signs of live cancer. The tumor had grown in the bone and made it swell. That was the mass we kept fighting. Radiation had successfully annihilated any live cancer there was left. The "mass" was debulked, the pressure was taken off the optic nerve and skull base was fixed up as much as possible. Relief, answer to prayers, miracle, blessings beyond measure. No words could explain that feeling of knowing Lukas was still alive. Nothing else mattered, he was alive and now the waiting to see if he was still Lukas began. After we were thrown out of PICU 3 days after his surgery, we knew it was still our tenacious baby Lukas. 13 days after surgery we were sent home. The road got easier from there. We finished 4 more rounds of light chemo to kill off the rest of the cancer. July 3rd will forever be our Independence Day. We were told Lukas showed No Evidence of Disease. We won't hear "remission" any time soon, this was the next best thing. Next was antibody therapy to put his neurological disease (Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome OMS) in remission. I sit here on the last day of his antibody therapy. The feelings are still fresh. Although Lukas made it this far, I've experienced loosing a baby to the disease, and have read about more than I can handle earning their wings as well. We are lucky and we know it. We don't take a day for granted that we could so easily have lost. Lukas is a vivacious, head strong, curious, verbal almost 3 year old. Yes I get frustrated with him, yes I loose my temper with his at times, but looking into his too old for a baby eyes, I see eternity and a love so strong I could never deny the blessing he is in my life. Handing Lukas off to the Neurosurgery Nurse I finally understood to some degree what Heavenly Father felt seeing His Son go off to His death. I got to glimpse life through His eyes. That has strengthened my faith so concretely. I know there is nothing we can't face and I know that I can handle whatever I am faced with. I have met some of the most amazing people on this journey, I've gotten closer to my husband, I love deeper, hurt harder and care more strongly than I did before. For that I'm thankful.

Holy Tomatoes!

It's been forever since I've posted last. Lots has been going on and then again lots of nothing too! We go through cycles of busy and then nothing.

It's good though. Theron is back in school (Preschool through my mom's church). He was in their Mother's Day Out program over the summer and loved it. He to the preschool program now every Tuesday and Thursday from 9am-2pm. He absolutely LOVES his teacher Mrs. Marsha. He comes home and talks about his new friends and things he did during the day. It's so great to see how much fun he has doing his own thing!

Lukas is still doing vision therapy twice a week. The therapists have introduced a cane to Lukas. He LOVES it! They are training him to use it correctly and then we'll get to take it home so he can use it all the time. The goal is to get him mobile and independent so when he starts school in January he'll be able to do things on his own more than not. He'll be learning lots of things when he starts school. Braille is the big thing. We have to prepare him for a life of no/limited vision even though he's getting some back. We don't know how much he sees or how much he might get back, so we prepare. He's doing great though! He'll be starting Mother's Day Out at my mom's church every Tuesday. He's wanted to go to school with Theron so we are putting him in one day a week after talking to the teachers and program director. They are ready for the tornado that is Lukas.

Anyway, I'm uploading pics from our Colorado trip in the next couple of days and then I'll post them and the great stories of our 1st vacation in 2 years!!