Better Day

Much better! Lukas actually ate a lot of food. And he didn't have to gag any of it down. We started IV fluids last night. He gets them for 10 hours (pretty much the whole time he sleeps) and I get wet diapers every hour and a half, but it's totally worth it, if he feels this much better the next day!

Theron's asthma has started to really bother him again. He didn't sleep very well at all last night. He sounded like a dying seal with all of his coughing, but the fist thing he wanted to do was ride his bike this morning. That's all he wants to do every day actually!

So stinking cute! Both my boys!

My Big Boy!

So right now, instead of sleeping, Theron is watching daddy play hockey on the XBox... He keeps yelling "go, go, go!!! Cooooome ooooon!!!! Oh, man!"

He is soo stinkin cute! All boy for sure. And he's talking so well, learning his alphabets and colors and shapes. He was looking at a friends first words book during Sacrament meeting and started naming off the letters in the word "word". Kurt was so excited. He can even draw his O's and C's and is getting close on his W's!!

He's also become VERY independent. The most used words in his vocabulary are "No, mom, I do it" (with an emphasis on I!). He can put his pants on and zip them up and put his shirts on, socks and shoes, jackets... It's amazing how just a couple of years ago he was this tiny eating machine and now he's a big eating machine!





Yes, I think he's pretty good reason to brag!! I love his soooo much! A million times over.

More Tears

They always seem to come when I'm left alone to my thoughts. My thoughts are easy to push away when I'm busy taking care of the boys or out and about, they are even easy to push away each time we go to the clinic or hospital. I'm busy doing something then. It's when I'm done with my responsibilities and I can't find anything to watch on TV or when I'm desperatly trying to fall asleep at night before the ringing in my ears from the days activities dies down and all I hear is silence. That's when my thoughts haunt me. That's when I realize how bad this all really can be. That's when the hope and all the good statistics seem to leave me and I can't help but face the fact that cancer can kill my baby, his treatments can kill my baby. He is a fighter, but I'm not. Each day gets harder to face. Each change in treatments means more unknowns to me. I'm not a fan of our hurry up and wait lifestyle we have been thrown into. And when Theron, only being two, seems to understand how bad off Lukas really is, I can't hold back the tears. He loves Lukas so much. He wants to be with him all day and rock him and kiss his owies all better and help give him medicines. Hearing Theron say "bubba is sick, bubba has cancer" are the hardest words to hear.

I don't like being left alone with my thoughts.

Watch Out Daddy!!

A new photographer is in the making!

Theron has learned how to use my digital camera and is starting to get the hang of using it! He is getting pretty good!

Here is a nice sampling of his early work:










(squished blueberry... not a nice juicy bug!)

Home Again

8 days in the hospital and now we are home again. I love being around the nurses and docs at the hospital, but man, nothing beats being at home.