CNCF

Midnight

...and still trying to really be ok that there wasn't any change to his cancer after 3 rounds of chemo and 12 rounds of radtaion...

It sounds good to say "at least there isn't any more cancer growing anywhere" but I'm still trying to convince myself that even though it isn't shrinking, at least it isn't spreading or growing.

He might as well be High Risk, Dr. Granger said his cancer is a very difficult Intermediate Risk.

Stupid Cancer. Cancer Sucks... I'm copywriting that phrase and all the money goes to wiping out this stupid, stupid, mean and vicious, stupid cancer! I HATE CANCER!!!!

UGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!11

Bloody Nose

(Dr. Tomberline) Oh, that ok, just means the radiation is working and the tissue is dying...

(in my head) Oh, ok, then it's not a big deal that my BABY is BLEEDING from his NOSE!!! Now I'm not worried that his BRAIN is leaking out everytime I have to suction out his nose!!!-ok that was a little extreme, I know, but I have a grosely vivid imagination...

(Me) Ok. I guess that means it is working [nervous chuckle]. You're the doctor, if you aren't worried then I won't...

Panic

I hate radiation and I really hate the steroids Lukas is on, but knowing that it will be done Monday and realizing that we'll know then if it has worked has festered a little, and growing panic.

If it didn't work as well as it needed to, there are really serious side effects that I just caused Lukas to have, and for nothing!

And you know, the most horrible thing is that, after meeting some of the other moms of NB kids, every single one of our kids are completely different. Thier symptoms, their reactions to the meds and drugs, to the treatments, not one of our kids has anything similar other than thier diagnosis of NB.

There isn't a cure for NB, there are treatments to prolong the life of the patients and hope that the cancer doesn't come back. So I'm really a little panicked about all of this. Oh, this is so much to deal with, I just don't have words to express myself properly right now.

I have hope, but I have more panic and nerousness and unsurety more than that.

Steroids Suck

That pretty much sums it all up...

If you have been "lucky" enough to be around Lukas this last week, you know what I'm talking about. MISERABLE, IRRITABLE, UNCOMFORTABLE, MISERABLE. Did I mention miserable. My poor baby.



On another note, we have discovered Theron likes American Gladiator... He's enthralled right now, we can't tear him away from it!